CHRISTmas = thanks

the other day i stopped during the craziness of the holiday season and thought about what christmas really is and means. so this is what we celebrate on the 25th of every december; a young girl going against the norm of society and culture, her boyfriend learning what it means to truly trust someone else, a baby being born in poverty and then this young vulnerable family running from the leader of the country who wants to kill their child. and as we all know, all this happened so this said baby could die some 30 years later to save the souls of millions he would never meet on this earth.  i mean think about this, not just read the words and say ‘yeah, yeah, i know the story i have heard it 1,000 times i know how it goes.’ , truly think about it. think about being mary and the courage it took for her to say yes, think of what it would of been like to be joseph, your girlfriend comes to you saying ‘i’m pregnant’ and the courage it took for him to say yes to that situation, and then think of the both of them having to literally run for their newborn baby’s life to a strange country. so to sum this up in today’s world this is what happened, you woke up from a dream pregnant, your boyfriend decides he will marry you so society doesn’t shun you, obama wants to kill your child so kills every baby in your city under the age of 2, so you run to cuba (or some other country) until obama dies, your child grows up,  is hated by millions and ultimately is killed so strangers from the future can live. all of this happens without question or complaining.

i mean lets stop for a moment and think about what dedication that is! what a loving and trusting relationship you must have to have with our loving God to just accept all of this as truth. not just accept this as truth but live it out and obey God. i mean sometimes i am annoyed with people at work and i can’t someday’s even give into my human stubbornness and lift that up to God to take care of, let alone God telling me that i am pregnant with the Holy Spirit’s baby! just thinking about mary and joseph what they endured, how they loved, trusted and lived and i determined this is the kind of relationship i want to have with God.

how great would it be to have no worries, anxiety, fear or trust issues? think of how much time during the day when we stress, worry or get anxious.  quick question; how many things are you fearful of in this world? i don’t know about you but for me there are so many. in Bible study the last week i had to list out all of my fears and the paper wasn’t big enough, from not being accepted by people, to my fear of flying to letting God down and everything else in between. there are a lot. but the reality of being a christian and having a personal relationship with God is we don’t have to be concerned with any of that stuff. God put us each here for a specific and unique purpose, just like mary and joseph. we won’t make it into a book of the Bible, but each one of us will leave a mark in history. but only if we lift up our problems and concerns to God,  just listen and obey Him. sounds so easy(and if your anything like me scary), and if someone in this world knows it is not easy it is me, but when we do this, we gain the world. our God protects us, loves us, cares for us, is jealous for us, directs us and ultimately forgives us no matter what.

the dedication and submission of mary and joseph to God is just so amazing to me! i am in awe of their love, devotion and dedication to God. someday i hope that i can honestly say that i am that dedicated. that if an angel comes to me in a dream and shares with me some crazy request that i could never even comprehend, i will simply say yes, because it is from God. and if it is from God then it is good. because our God is good. and that one simple request in a dream could change the world if i just say yes.

thank you mary, thank you joseph, thank you jesus and mostly thank you God. thank you for saying yes. thank you for creating this amazing love and dedication. thank you for showing me what trusting can mean. i have grown so much in just reading about your lives (which i am sure you never thought would make it in the Bible and make history) and i pray that i continue to grow daily to become closer to God.

doing life with others

Who do you do life with? I had someone say to me once, at a very pivotal point in my life, that she did life with a small group of friends. For some reason this struck a cord with me but at the time I didn’t know why. All I knew was that I wanted people in my life to ‘do life with’ and I didn’t have that. Which after a few days of thought and some prayers I realized that I did have those people and everyone of them is wonderful. Doing life together especially in times of trial and stress reminds me of Acts 14.

Paul and Barnabas during their first mission trip were met with hardship and difficulty. They were far from their home, friends, comfort of familiarity and they were still full of joy and the Holy Spirit. They were expelled from regions not cities but entire regions, stoned, mocked, not listened to, plotted against to be killed and more. How many times in life do we have hard times and difficulty WITH the support and surrounding love of our friends and family? And then how many times have we turned away from them or complained about their words or argued and turned from God?

In January of 2013 my faith was truly put to the test as much as it had been since I had become a Christian just 3 short years earlier. My husband, Dan, and I learned we were pregnant right before Christmas, it was the best Christmas present ever, well besides Jesus himself being born, but it was pretty amazing. However, in January we had a miscarriage at 9 weeks, I was devastated, but I knew God would get us through. I had such a positive, calm outlook and leaned on God. I thought I could do this with just His help and I didn’t need anyone, just like how I handled all other trials previously in my life and I was convinced of this. It wasn’t more than a month before the reality of what had happened set in. My calm and love for God turned into anger and bitterness and not just toward God but pretty much every pregnant woman in the world including my sister and sister-in-law. Which just breaks my heart to say because they love me and I love them and I was beyond ecstatic about their pregnancies. I went from positive to depressed in a matter of days.

Why did God do this to me? Doesn’t He know how much I love Him? After everything that I have been through in my life why did this happen to me?! Why is He making me go through all of this? Haven’t I gone through enough? And I just kept crying out ‘Why God Why?!’

One major thing that I missed during this time was I had friends, family, my church community, people who still to this day don’t know how much they helped me, come out of the woodwork to stand by my side. I felt alone and wanted to shut everyone out, because I am a woman and I can fix everything myself.

There was this moment after I went on a mission trip titled 4.5, it was four and a half days of being immersed in poverty and homelessness, on a completely separate note it was an amazing life changing experience. During this trip I learned of a wonderful service within Toledo, Ohio where I live. Every Saturday morning organizations gather to assist in providing the homeless and less fortunate food, conversation, clothing and basic medical equipment. It was during this event I had a conversation with a new friend I had just met, Leryc. She told me she has a close group of friends who are just a small group of humans who love each other and just simply do life together and hold each other accountable for their relationships with God and with each other. Then it clicked, the big ah ha moment in a difficult time, we all have it, don’t pretend like you don’t. This is a major thing that I needed to learn through the whole miscarriage grieving process. I needed to learn that doing life with others helps you to be full of joy and the Holy Spirit no matter what happens. I HAD God and I knew He was there for me and loved me but I needed humans, I needed community. Just like Paul and Barnabas.

Those guys even though it was thousands of years ago dealt with hard times too, but they had each other. Paul was stoned and left for dead but he still had joy and the Holy Spirit. I believe that was partly because he had Barnabas. God created us to live in community with each other not isolation. Paul and Barnabas did life together an held each other accountable. While you reading this might not of had a miscarriage or the exact life that I have had, everyone has hard times. Every single person. It is simple if we stand by each other and allow God to work within us and within others we will get through whatever our hard times are full of joy and the Holy Spirit.

Acts 14:22 – strengthening the disciples and encouraging them to remain true to the faith. “We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God,” they said.